The Deer Hunter

Posted on September 26, 2015 by John Paladini

“I’m going hunting……dear.”

It is getting to be that time of year when the leaves are turning, the mornings are brisk, and Fall is in the air. That’s the time when men who have only one thing on their minds, begin to have something else on their minds: hunting. Now don’t think for a minute that they have forgotten about the other one thing they always that have on their minds. If we can figure out a way to have both, that’s really living!

It comes on subtly, but you’ll notice as he drives down Auto Row, his eyes begin to linger on 4X4 pickups. His browser seems to instinctively gravitate towards travel trailers on Craig’s List. He wants something just nice enough to still be “roughing it” but comfortable enough to accommodate himself and about a dozen of his hunting buddies. And if you discover a $5,900.00 Weatherby Mark V on the credit card bill, that’s not an automobile, as the price suggests. It is a high powered rifle that will make him the envy of his friends. No one wants to be underpowered when moving in for the kill. Then there are all the miscellaneous accoutrements like license, tags, boots, rain gear, sleeping bag, and doe scent. I think the doe scent attracts more hunters than it does bucks. But that’s beside the point. Bass Pro Shop and Cabela’s are happy to provide a wide assortment of products to get the job done. While you’re there, you have to check out their complete line of 4 wheel drive ATVs. And don’t forget the camo colored helmet, saddle bags, and rifle rack.

He comes by it honestly, ladies. I think hunting is programmed somewhere deep in a man’s DNA. Recently we had our grandkids over, and my 4 year old grandson trooped through the living room carrying his toy rifle saying “We’re going target shooting”. And His 3 year old sister was right behind him with her sunglasses, purse, and baby doll saying ”Yes, we’re going to Target!” Wait a minute, guys…DNA. I think I just discovered why our wives like to go shopping. And shopping season is open year round.

The best way to assure a successful hunting trip is not found in a sporting goods shop or an Amazon box. You can’t enjoy a freezer full of meat if you’re getting the cold shoulder from your wife. The best thing we can do is keep the home fires burning warm and bright, by serving our wife well throughout the year. As you encourage her to do the things that fulfill her, and make sure she knows that she is number one in your life, she will encourage you to do the same. So whether your thing is hunting, gaming or golf, you can bag your trophy, and have someone at home to celebrate your success with you, when you return.

Water Challenge

Posted on September 20, 2014 by John Paladini

If you were to dump a bucket of water on your wife’s head, how do you think she’d react? Thousands of people are doing it, and it’s for a good cause.

You don’t have to spend much time online to conclude that the world has accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge. Hats off to those who not only soaked themselves to promote greater ALS awareness, but also donated money towards a cure.

Spontaneous soaking has taken the country by storm this summer, but it is nothing new. The drenching deed was prescribed as far back as the first century. Making sure that your wife is deliberately doused, blatantly baptized, sufficiently sopping, fully flooded, whole-heartedly hosed, solidly saturated, intensely inundated, willfully waterlogged, and absolutely awash with water is crucial to a healthy marriage.

The original water challenge was laid down to husbands in Ephesians 5:25-26: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,…

But before you go load up your water cannon, and unleash an ocean of H2O on her, remember, eight glasses a day is better than a flash flood. You know: precept upon precept; line upon line; here a little, there a little. Isa 28:10

I realize that nowadays, liberated women say they can dig their own well. Of course they can, and should. But it’s a husband’s responsibility to make sure his wife is properly moisturized, soaked, and washed in the scriptures. Double dousing is encouraged. Jesus even said that whoever believes in him, out of their innermost being will flow a river of living water. That’s good thing!

We’re currently experiencing a drought in California. And no one likes a drought because the countryside is dead, the hills are brown and the grass is dying for lack of rain. That’s why they call California the “Golden State”. (So we’re all doing our part by dumping water on each other while standing on our lawns, so we don’t waste.) But imagine how you’d feel if you hadn’t had a drink since the last rain. Now imagine how you’d look. Eeeewww. Guys, you want to have a beautiful wife? Soak her in the word. OK, a squirt here and there, a splash now and then is good. But a down right gully-washer every now and then is what she really needs. Whet her whistle. That’s right, turn on the fire hose. Open the dam; pour it on and pour it out. Go ahead and dunk her, spray her, immerse her till she’s sopping wet. Slip N Slide? We’re talking complete hydration. Dump and dab and dip; but don’t drown. How about a downpour every now and then? Why not break out the water wiggle? Now I’m being silly. But hey, you get the point.

It’s high time for a good old fashioned spring rain. Shower your wife with the life-giving, health-sustaining, cool, clean, clear water of the Word. But be careful…she might get you back.

Comic Relief

Posted on August 30, 2014 by John Paladini

Marriage can be PUN! No, that’s not a typo. Some of us need to lighten up a little in our marriages. How often do you laugh with your spouse? Hopefully, you’re chuckling, snickering, guffawing, busting a gut, and belly laughing regularly. Too many couples waste years of their marriage, only “dealing with issues” and struggling over responsibilities. Some couples just need to go out to recess and play together again.

So, with laughing together in mind, Comic Relief was born. We hope you enjoy the comics we’ve selected. Plus we’ll be adding more periodically. Now go ahead and laugh out loud!

A cheerful heart is good medicine Proverbs 17:22

What Football Taught Me About Marriage

Posted on January 18, 2014 by John Paladini

If you know a little bit about football, you can learn a few lessons about having a winning season in your marriage. Here are 49 things I’ve learned:
1. Make a plan and practice, practice, practice.
2. Pray before you set foot on the field.
3. The clock is ticking and time is limited. Use it wisely.
4. The opposition is over there. You don’t tackle your own team mate.
5. Huddle. Put your arms around each other. Use mouthwash.
6. Everybody fumbles once in a while.
7. God is your head coach. He calls the plays. Trust him.
8. Don’t be offensive.
9. Don’t get defensive.
10. Always use your mouth guard. It is mandatory.
11. Unnecessary roughness will get you a penalty.
12. Keep your end in view.
13. Kiss the arm…the shoulder…the neck… the lips.
14. Let the Holy Spirit referee.
15. Use your right guard.
16. A little dancing when you reach your goal is appropriate.
17. Sack the quarterback.
18. A little pat of affirmation on the bottom is usually welcomed.
19. Don’t be down and out.
20. If you go out of bounds, everything stops and you have to start over.
21. Celebrate your teammate’s victories.
22. When your goal seems far away, just try to move forward ten yards.
23. Each team member must do their part for the team to win.
24. Football has very little to do with applying your foot to the ball. Don’t try to figure it out.
25. Hand the ball to your teammate then clear a path for them to score.
26. Teammates get tired.
27. Don’t run the wrong way. Don’t run aimlessly. Do your best to make forward progress.
28. Play fair.
29. Make sure the whole team is working the same plan.
30. Paint JOHN 3:16 on your chest.
31. Practice to get better and better at doing your part.
32. Make Sunday the most important day of the week.
33. No head-butting.
34. Make a pass at your spouse regularly.
35. When your spouse makes a pass at you, catch it. Don’t drop it.
36. Avoid pass interference. Lock your bedroom door and turn off the phone.
37. Always be ready to call an audible. Be flexible, plans change.
38. Don’t become a blimp. Stay healthy and help your Bud stay Lite.
39. Do your part to make this a Good Year.
40. You make enough money. Don’t complain.
41. When a teammate is injured, the rest of the team needs to work a little harder.
42. Timing is everything.
43. If you help your teammate win, you win.
44. When making a plan, use a lot of X’s and O’s.
45. Be a World Class Cheerleader.
46. Call a time out when you need to.
47. If another team makes a play look easy, understand it is the result of hours of practice.
48. You’re surrounded by fans who want to see you win!
49. You already have a ring. Enjoy the game!

Those are the lessons I’ve learned. Let’s see if we can come up with a few more. If you have any that you’d like to add, click the comment bubble and share them. I’ll post them. Patriot Fans

Chick Flick

Posted on July 13, 2013 by John Paladini

“Marriage is hard work.” I know you’ve heard this phrase before and you may have even uttered it yourself. But just how hard is the work, really? If we’re honest with ourselves, we can spend more energy avoiding the “work” than actually doing it. So, guys, I offer two words that will be an investment in your marriage: Chick Flick. Here’s how you can tell if you’re watching a chick flick. There will be no explosions, no breaking glass, no guns and no blood.

My wife, Andee, likes those British movies about women named Jane: Jane Eyre, Jane Austen, Lost in Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Wives and Daughters, and now, Downton Abbey. But I have a question: Do any of the men in those movies ever work? So I call them movies about men who don’t work. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I don’t quite understand the guys in these movies. (I say quite because that’s what the British say.)

All those movies seem to have the same storyline:
They all center on a very wealthy man who doesn’t work, and who can only produce daughters. In each movie, he sits in his study wringing his hands because a distant cousin is going to inherit his wealth when he dies. His cousins seem to produce plenty of sons, all of questionable character. The sons only want to marry rich girls so they won’t have to work…and presumably, they will sit in their study wringing their hands.

Throw in a hysterical scheming mother and a rich, handsome young man who just happens to be single (probably because he can’t communicate his feelings). There’s always a ball where everybody knows how to dance. Then in a “surprising” twist, he falls in love with the plainest daughter and the movie ends with their wedding.
No wonder England is so messed up!

But real life doesn’t end with a wedding. The wedding is only the beginning of a marriage. Chick flicks never show life after the wedding because going to work and doing laundry doesn’t sell movies. Raising children and paying bills aren’t sexy. Yet they are the substance of everyday life. Plus, most of us don’t have a staff of servants to run our estate. So when the kitchen sink springs a leak, “Yours Truly Plumbing Service” gets to repair it. That would be me.
Sometimes, at the end of the day when the work is all done, I’ll watch a chick flick with my wife. It is great for our relationship. It allows us to connect on a level that guys don’t even know we have.

I’m no Colin Firth, but I know how important it is to take an interest in doing things that please my wife. (British movies help by reminding me to communicate so I don’t become like those British actors.)

Letting our spouse choose the movie is a great way that married couples can serve one another, (especially if we don’t complain.) Andee is great at this. Because whenever Friday night rolls around, and I suggest that we watch Band of Brothers or Blackhawk Down, She is quick to agree and starts popping the popcorn. Now that’s connecting!

49 Lessons from Football

Posted on January 26, 2013 by John Paladini

If you know a little bit about football, you can learn a few lessons about having a winning season in your marriage. Here are a few things I’ve learned:
1. Make a plan and practice, practice, practice.
2. Pray before you set foot on the field.
3. The clock is ticking and time is limited. Use it wisely.
4. The opposition is over there. You don’t tackle your own team mate.
5. Huddle. Put your arms around each other. Use mouthwash.
6. Everybody fumbles once in a while.
7. God is your head coach. He calls the plays. Trust him.
8. Don’t be offensive.
9. Don’t get defensive.
10. Always use your mouth guard. It is mandatory.
11. Unnecessary roughness will get you a penalty.
12. Keep your end in view.
13. Kiss the arm…the shoulder…the neck… the lips.
14. Let the Holy Spirit referee.
15. Use your right guard.
16. A little dancing when you reach your goal is appropriate.
17. Sack the quarterback.
18. A little pat of affirmation on the bottom is usually welcomed.
19. Don’t be down and out.
20. If you go out of bounds, everything stops and you have to start over.
21. Celebrate your teammate’s victories.
22. When your goal seems far away, just try to move forward ten yards.
23. Each team member must do their part for the team to win.
24. Football has very little to do with applying your foot to the ball. Don’t try to figure it out.
25. Hand the ball to your teammate then clear a path for them to score.
26. Teammates get tired.
27. Don’t run the wrong way. Don’t run aimlessly. Do your best to make forward progress.
28. Play fair.
29. Make sure the whole team is working the same plan.
30. Paint JOHN 3:16 on your chest.
31. Practice to get better and better at doing your part.
32. Make Sunday the most important day of the week.
33. No head-butting.
34. Make a pass at your spouse regularly.
35. When your spouse makes a pass at you, catch it. Don’t drop it.
36. Avoid pass interference. Lock your bedroom door and turn off the phone.
37. Always be ready to call an audible. Be flexible, plans change.
38. Don’t become a blimp. Stay healthy and help your Bud stay Lite.
39. Do your part to make this a Good Year.
40. You make enough money. Don’t complain.
41. When a teammate is injured, the rest of the team needs to work a little harder.
42. Timing is everything.
43. If you help your teammate win, you win.
44. When making a plan, use a lot of X’s and O’s.
45. Be a World Class Cheerleader.
46. Call a time out when you need to.
47. If another team makes a play look easy, understand it is the result of hours of practice.
48. You’re surrounded by fans who want to see you win!
49. You already have a ring. Enjoy the game!

Those are the lessons I’ve learned. Let’s see if we can come up with a few more. If you have any that you’d like to add, click the comment bubble and share them. I’ll post them.

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