Whose body is it, anyway? Yours of course….until you pledge it to somebody else. Then everything changes.
The Old English vows say that on our wedding day we “enter into a new estate”. That’s why I always spend extra time with couples in pre-marriage counseling to make sure they fully understand what they are signing up for. Think about it. When we are choosing our marriage partner, we are evaluating how trustworthy they will be to fulfill their role as our – one and only – husband or wife. One very important role in marriage is that of lover. When we stand at the altar and pledge our self to our spouse, we are entrusting one person in the whole world to fulfill that role. For those who are married, consider this: You are the only person in the whole world who is authorized to fulfill your spouse’s sexual needs. And not only that; but you are commanded to do so. I know that sounds a little silly. About half of us are thinking: “God commanded us to have sex, so I’m suddenly really into obeying God.” The other half of us…not so much.
Typical pre-marriage couples are eager to get married, and blissfully optimistic. They envision marriage as having sex every day, multiple times, for as long as they both shall live. But life and our sin nature has a way of throwing a monkey wrench into those plans (Read Take Out the Trash).
So let’s look at what the bible says about sex in marriage:
I Corinthians 7: 3-5 says: Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Wow! There’s a lot here, but let’s look at the main points. 
When we pledged our self to our spouse, we not only pledged our life, but our body as well. This is a sacred trust that husbands and wives must guard with the utmost care. But practically, it also means the when our spouse is “in the mood” for sexual relations, we should respond willingly and reciprocate. If we are unavailable for sexual intercourse due to illness or some other reason, we should communicate with our spouse, affirm our love for them, and make a date in the near future to take them up on the offer.
It is a rare exception when the bible says it is OK to “deprive” our spouse of sexual relations. But God gives very specific instructions because He wants it to be rare, and He wants it to resolve quickly. God knows that whenever sin interrupts our sexual relationship, the enemy tries to exploit it, and tempt us towards the greater sin of infidelity. That’s why God says only “with consent” and only “for a [specific agreed upon] time” and with action steps: that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer.
So let me ask you a question: How long can you fast? That’s about how long is healthy to abstain from sexual relations with your spouse. God’s ideal is speedy resolution of any problem that comes between husband and wife, and full and complete restoration of the relationship.
Before anyone panics, this is not carte blanche for selfish spouses to abuse. There are a few exceptions, but they are few and they are exceptions. We need to let God be the referee in those cases. Because our spouse is not the only one we have pledged our life to. When we pledge our life to Christ, we surrender lordship of our life to Him. The bible says: your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own. 1 Cor 6:19
All of life is better when we give God the final word.
To maintain a satisfying sexual relationship, husbands and wives will pay particular attention and make it their goal to “render affection” that is meaningful and fulfilling to their spouse. Your spouse’s idea of affection will often be different than yours. 
If both husband and wife make their first priority to serve each other, rather than serving themselves, they will do well. Make it your goal to always be an eager participant in sexual relations with your spouse. Learn to communicate with each other about your sexual relationship in order to keep it healthy. Don’t expect your spouse to automatically be an expert. Be patient with one another and help each other become a great lover (read The Chapter on Sex). As we learn and grow together, we will discover the joys and blessings of true oneness with our spouse.
In our defense, none of us is born smart, but the truth is, we are all responsible to learn the things we need to know to succeed in life. The passing of years is all it takes for us to grow up physically. But we need to proactively apply ourselves in order to mature emotionally, relationally and spiritually. Charley “Tremendous” Jones said, “You will be the same person in five years as you are today, except for the people you meet and the books you read.” 
So, let me introduce you to someone you really need to meet, and the book he wrote; The person is King Solomon; the book is Proverbs. The smartest man in the world gave this advice: Get some wisdom. Prov 4:5. 
He wasn’t just trying to sell his book. He was trying to teach his children to learn from his mistakes, instead of experiencing the heartache of learning painful lessons, firsthand.
Here’s a cool thing. There are 31 chapters of Proverbs and 31 days in most months. Perfectly laid out to read one chapter a day; bite size pieces of everyday wisdom. I read through Proverbs at least twice a year, and I’m always learning something new. You can never exhaust the wisdom of God.
Nobody in their right mind would plan to drive a car off a cliff. But most of us know people, who have crashed through the guardrails, and whose marriages have been dashed on the rocks below, by infidelity. 
Sadly, this magnitude of betrayal often results in divorce. There, I said it. The word we swear is “not an option” and “not in our vocabulary”: Divorce. We think that by denying its existence, it will never happen to us. Who would have thought that a playful comment by a co-worker or an acquaintance could bloom into full scale adultery? 
How could an occasional look at pornography possibly damage our marriage? How could a dinner meeting with a client of the opposite sex possibly hurt anyone? It happens more often than we’d like to admit. “It will never happen to me”, we say. Because we think we are the exception. The bible says, “If any man thinks he stands, take heed, lest he fall”.
Obviously, the answer is NO. But to someone who is blinded by sin and enflamed by lust, the answers are not so clear. When we flirt with sin, we delude ourselves into believing we can control it, and that we can stop any time. What we don’t admit is that the point-of-no-return is long before we take fire into our lap, not afterwards. 
Then we act so surprised when our sin blindsides us. Flirting seems so innocent. A child playing with matches does not intend to burn down the house, but destroys it nonetheless. Solomon laments of the man who gives himself to the immoral woman: all who were slain by her were “strong” men.
Pull weeds – The devil wants to destroy our marriage by deception. He doesn’t show up in red leotards and pitchfork. He whispers “little lies” that appear as harmless as a weed sprout. “Your husband loves his work more than you.” or “Your wife isn’t as sexual as other women”. 
Be ruthless pulling out weeds as soon as they sprout. If we don’t, they’ll put down a tap root and require major excavation to extract.
Add Miracle-Gro – Walk with the Lord together. Encourage one another to enjoy some quiet time with the Lord and your bible. Pray together. Remind one another that the Lord is in control and put your trust in Him together for the needs of your family. Be active in your local church, growing and serving others. The Lord will bless your marriage and make you thrive!
Bedrock is more than the mythical home of Fred and Wilma Flintstone. It is a safe place, a secure place, a solid place to build your home.
Every engaged couple has dreams of making a home together. Granted, the dreams vary widely from couple to couple. Some dream of suburbia with a white picket fence.
They say, “We don’t need a piece of paper.” They establish their relationships on the philosophy of the day. But those kinds of arrangements lack foundation, which is crucial to secure and lasting relationships. 
Some couples marry because they want to “do the right thing”. Some are just lazy or willful, and rush into marriage without taking the time to get to know the person they are marrying. 
These impulsive relationships have no foundation at all, and often lead to disappointment and struggle.
Jesus wants us to have solid, sturdy, strong marriages. He doesn’t want us to live one disaster away from ruin. He wants our marriages to withstand the storms of life, not just for our own sakes, but for the sake of our families, our community and our world. He teaches us how to be wise and to build a life together on a solid foundation. On Him. He said the wise man built his house, and dug deep and laid the foundation on the Rock. 
It is always better to begin with a solid foundation. But what if we’re already married? Many couples who began their marriage on shaky ground are coming to Jesus daily. They give their lives and their marriage to Jesus, and begin the journey of a “divine retrofit”. I have to warn you, Jesus is a Master Builder and doesn’t take shortcuts. He won’t do little add-ons. He insists on doing a complete renovation. Couples who make Jesus the cornerstone of their marriage, experience a new sense of security and stability that they’d never dreamed possible. Because He is eternal and His truth is like bedrock. Jesus is the only foundation worthy to build our marriage on.
We’ve all seen the movie, Father of the Bride. Both Spencer Tracy and Steve Martin, decades apart, portrayed the hapless father of the bride, whose primary function in putting on his daughter’s wedding, is to take out a second mortgage on the house, open his wallet, and close his mouth. 
There is only one more powerless position on the earth today, and that is parents of the groom. After all, the bride has been planning her wedding day all her life. The groom is essentially a last minute, fill- in-the-blank; the last puzzle piece, whose face and name have only recently been added.
So there we were, about thirty minutes before the wedding ceremony, and the father of the groom greeted me with the usual deer in the headlights look in his eyes. He was doing an admirable job of holding it all together. Just an observation, it’s hard to look cool as a cucumber while wearing a suit and tie in hundred degree weather. He turned to me and asked me if I ever get nervous doing weddings. This being about my 100th wedding to officiate, I answered him “I was nervous officiating my own children’s weddings.” Other than those, the only wedding I was nervous officiating was my very first wedding. Then I was almost as nervous as the groom.
Pay Up – By the time you pay for the dress, the reception, the church and a million other accoutrements, you’d think you’d done your part. But No! It’s not enough to spend, on one day, enough to purchase a small country, or a home in the suburbs for cash.
Little do they know that behind the smile, you’d give another million dollars to be on some sandy beach a thousand miles away in shorts and flip flops, sipping something cold, with an umbrella sticking out of it… but not today. You’ve got relatives and friends to visit with today and shuttle to the airport tomorrow. About this time you lament the fact that you don’t have omnipresence as your superpower.
At the same time the bride and groom just soak it in, celebrating with their friends, eating drinking and living the good life, leaving it to you to clean up and take care of the relatives and all the loose ends.
Your dog is well-behaved while my dog needs to be scolded for digging in the garden. May I remind you that we only have one dog?
We love our pets. But pets add another dynamic to every household. They bring companionship and love. They also bring challenges, a few expenses, and all the considerations of having another “person” in the house. After all, pets become part of the family.
In exchange for our hospitality, she graces us with her presence, leaves hairballs on the patio and presents us with a dead rat every once in a while.
I can’t help but notice the similarities to the way husbands and wives relate to each other. I often try to solve relational problems the only way I know how, powering my way through. But my big dopey paws end up making matters worse rather than better.
But human relationships are supposed to be different. We humans are not limited to a survival of the fittest existence. Our Creator has given us the ability to reason, and to choose between right and wrong, good and evil; to defer immediate gratification for a better future. We can reason that to have a healthy and happy future, we must control our conduct in the present. Humans are not supposed to rule by dominance, but persuade by influence. When we use this approach, we discover not only a more willing spouse, but that we are happily pursuing the same goal together.
Simon doesn’t get it. He uses every tool in his tool belt to try and fix his relationship with Loami, but he often ends up frustrated. 
We husbands may never fully understand all the intricacies of our wives, but we can grow to understand the best ways to approach her. When we treat our wives in ways than honor her, we produce results that are a blessing to both of us.
Then, coffee in hand, John and I have about an hour and a half of what we call QT – quiet time. In separate rooms we each center ourselves and plan our day. We read our bibles and other edifying things. We pray and think (and sometimes snooze).
He is still a way from where he was 6 months ago, but we are both hopeful that we might still climb Mount Whitney again, instead of being relegated to our rocking chairs.
Almost every morning now, as we sit down to breakfast one or the other of us starts a little duet: “Button up your overcoat when the wind is free. Take good care of yourself, you belong to me! Eat an apple every day. Get to bed by three. Take good care of yourself, you belong to me!
Marriage Feast 