Suddenly, thirty years of marriage seemed like a very short time. Our kids are grown and out of the house, and just last summer we “married off” the last one. We are enjoying our empty nest, and we treasure our time together. With the arrival of autumn, also comes those pesky annual checkups. You know, the ones where they tell you that you need to floss more and you need to eat less or your cholesterol is too high. We had just celebrated our anniversary when the phone call came.  “We found a lump that we’re concerned about in your mammogram. Can you come see me in the office?”

The next two weeks were a blur of checkups, tests, and runaway emotions. I just wanted to hold my wife close and make it go away, but it wouldn’t go away. Our prayer life however, suddenly became very specific and very fervent. I remember thinking how permanent death is; and how we squander our healthy days with squabbles and disagreements over things that don’t even matter. The prospect of living through the golden years without my best friend was unthinkable. The only consolation was to keep reminding ourselves of the things we know about God. That He is for us, and he is gracious, compassionate, powerful, and able to heal. And even if He does not heal, he will give us the grace to walk through this valley together. And He will be with us.

Waiting is not my favorite thing to do. After the biopsy, it seemed like forever before the results came back. I carried the phone from room to room in case it rang, I didn’t want to miss it. When the call finally came with the results, the doctor used the word “preliminary”. Preliminary? What do you mean preliminary? But that was not the most important word he used. The word that seemed to split the heavens and roll back the clouds was the word benign. “Benign, benign, benign….that’s good! Benign is good. Benign means our prayers are answered. Benign means no surgery or chemotherapy. Benign means I’m still going to be the baldest one in the family. Benign means our golden years are still golden, and I get to keep my best friend.

The preliminary results were confirmed and reconfirmed and she now has a clean bill of health. Since then we hold each other a lot more. We wake up every morning thankful, and hopeful for the future. The minor irritations of life are suddenly unimportant. And we savor the companionship of marriage.

I don’t know why it sometimes takes a tragedy to make us treasure our spouse, but I don’t want to lose the sense of how short life is. Thirty years flew by like a vapor. Lord, help me be intentional with the next thirty. I promise I’ll floss more.

Andee and I recently got away for our anniversary and we got one of those rooms with a spa in the room for a romantic getaway. We stopped at Safeway to pick up some beverages and some bread and cheese and snacks and things to bring to our room. We also have little picnic basket with a coffee maker we take so we can enjoy some GOOD coffee in the morning. It makes for a very relaxing time and we don’t need to leave our room unless we want to. Well, the second day we went back to the store to buy another baguette and a bottle of spring water because the city water made the coffee taste funny. So as we were walking down the aisle of the grocery store, we were laughing and enjoying our time together and Andee said, “How romantic… a loaf, a jug and thou.”
Many couples long for the Good ol’ Days when their relationship was filled with romance. They remember the early years when they shared their dreams for the future. Well here we are in the future, and the families we dreamed about require a lot of our time and energy. Every couple needs occasional islands of “together time” away from the kids and the pressures of everyday life. We all need a get-away every now and then. But even if your “overnighters” are few and far between, plan an afternoon together or even a walk around the block to catch up with each other. This is valuable time to share and evaluate and reiterate that you’re in this together.
So there we were, with our loaf and jug, heading toward the check-out stand; smiling, holding hands and feeling very much in love. But when our turn came and the clerk began to ring up our purchases she looked at us, then she looked at our two items and remarked, “How pathetic! Bread and water!”
At that point I realized that perspective makes all the difference!
Some see the cup as half empty. Others see the cup as half full. The Lord wants us to see our marriage like this: My cup runneth over! (Psalm 23:5)
Some couples settle for a marriage that is the equivalent of bread and water, (you know, enough to keep you alive but make you wish you were dead). How many couples would have a more awesome marriage if we would only adjust our perspective? And stop struggling and start snuggling!

Carly Simon wrote in a song: “These are the Good ol’ Days!” Hebrews 3:13 tells us to exhort and encourage one another not to be fooled into ignoring the Lord or to putting off until tomorrow the things we should do today. Do yourself a favor and redeem the time. Make this the year that you invest in your relationship with your spouse. In fact, don’t let today slip away without affirming your love for one another. And go ahead and plan that romantic get-away. You’ll be glad you did.

Imagine for a moment that you are married to your best friend. You share the same dreams and the same goals. You work together as a team, a seamless partnership, hand in glove. You communicate easily with each other. And you can talk about anything. In fact you talk about everything without fear or apprehension. The tone of your conversation is gracious and truthful. Your mate treats you like you’re special. They drop what they are doing when you need help and they assist you gladly. They would always rather spend time with you than anyone else. They think about you often. They call or email during the day just to let you know they are thinking about you. You look forward to going home and being together at the end of the work day. They call to let you know what time to expect them.

When you walk through the front door they greet you with a smile that says they are glad to be together again. They drop unimportant things, or quickly complete important things, so they can devote their full attention to you. They’re genuinely interested in the events of your day.  They listen to you and encourage you. They have been praying for you since you parted early in the morning. They prepare a meal, or compliment the dinner you’ve been preparing. Or they invite you to eat out and ask your choice of restaurant. If you have children they inquire about progress, or update you on the challenges and victories in the children’s lives. You work together to do dishes and homework and any other tasks, so you can both enjoy the rest of the evening. You engage in meaningful conversation and create times of momentary refuge from phones, computers, and TV. You make it a priority that you both go to bed at the same time so you can have a few moments of pillow talk and prayer. When you reach out to hold your mate, they are attentive and move closer to you. They welcome intimacy and together you enjoy the experience of oneness. You fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Right about now I hope you’re saying to your spouse, “Look Honey, he’s talking about us!” I hope I have given a candid description of your marriage. And as you read these lines, you feel the affirmation of a life well lived and a job well done. I hope you derive a high level of satisfaction from the quality of character that your relationship reflects. And you recognize the work of God in your life and in your marriage. And I hope it challenges you, more and more, to be an excellent marriage partner.

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Everyone has dreams of winning the lottery. But why? So we can quit our job and sleep in? So we can play golf all day or play video games in our pajamas? We have dreams of eating the foods we like to eat, wearing the clothes we like. Heck, we wouldn’t even have to wear clothes if we didn’t want to. Some of us even try to make deals with God by offering Him 10% if he’ll make all the arrangements. James says we ask, but we ask amiss that we may consume it on our own pleasures. James 4:3

Imaging hearing a knock at your door and receiving the news that a distant relative has died and left you a hundred million dollars. The only stipulation written in his will for you to keep all that money, is that you must remain happily married to your mate. Pretending to be happy will not be allowed. You must actually maintain a good quality marriage, the kind that when you leave for work each morning, you can’t wait to get home to your spouse. You have so much to talk about. You have plans to make. You have goals and dreams to share and fulfill. You have people to help, and projects to do together. Wouldn’t you make it the priority of your life to nurture your marriage? Wouldn’t you pay attention, study, practice, and do everything possible, if keeping your fortune depended on it?

Well, a rich relative has died and His will is for you to be rich. The apostle Peter tells us that we are heirs together of the grace of life. 1 Peter 3:7 And the way to make sure we get to keep those riches is we must grow to understand our spouse. And through that understanding we can serve them better, and be the right kind of encouragement to them.

At this point some husbands throw up their hands and say “I’ll never understand why my wife is the way she is.” And that may be true. But God wants us to take the time, and spend the energy to understand how different things affect our spouse, and then to use that understanding to help each other through life. This is one of the true riches of marriage.