“Let’s meet for coffee.” We say this all the time, but is it really about the coffee? When you go to lunch with your best friend, which is more important, the food or the conversation? It doesn’t really matter if it’s McNamara’s or McDonalds, coffee or cabernet; something important happens in our relationships when we’re eating and drinking.
What could be more basic to everyday life than enjoying a meal together? Yet we keep ourselves so busy that sit-down dinners are no longer a family value but instead have become nostalgic. Many people today, spend thousands of dollars upgrading to gourmet kitchens, only to make the microwave the most used appliance. The dining room table has been relegated to folding laundry and Thanksgiving dinner.
Growing up, I always envied my friends who got to eat dinner in their living room on TV trays. Now I’m reconsidering. I grew up in a big Italian family. When dinnertime came, the whole family gathered for the meal and the TV was always turned off. Thanks Mom and Dad, for making sit-down dinners a family value. Our nuclear family has grown and changed, but to this day, here’s how family gatherings on holidays work: We start with a meal, clean up after the meal together, take a walk together. Throw in some Italian songs and dancing in the kitchen while we prepare the next meal together. Repeat.
Jesus knows we open up to one another in a unique way when we break bread together.

He said “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” (Rev 3:20) In the final hours before His crucifixion, Jesus had a meal with his friends, we call the last supper. It is interesting that after his resurrection, almost every time we see Jesus, he is eating with his friends.
When Andee and I got married, we decided in order to stay connected; we’d have breakfast and dinner together. At 6:00AM we ask each other, “How can I pray for you today?” And at 6:00PM we catch up with one another on how the other’s day went. We’d rarely see each other in between those times, but we were still “together”. As we raised our children, mealtimes were always the important touch-points when our family would connect. We’d discuss everything from schoolwork to politics, to interpersonal relationships. We often read a devotional book after dinner and discussed whatever lesson we could draw out of a chapter. Whenever we had company, they’d join in the conversation. Andee and I have maintained this practice for 30 years through all the different stages of life, and it is still working.
Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. Psalm 128:1-4

Many families have traditions associated with the holidays. Some celebrate on Christmas Eve, and the whole family gets together for dinner and presents. Some families invite all the relatives to celebrate Christmas morning, and stretch the celebration out all day.

When I’m doing pre-marriage counseling, I casually ask where the new couple will spend Thanksgiving.  The bride-to-be quickly answers, “At my parents’ house, of course.  It’s the only day of the year we get the whole family together.” I look at the groom and he has a troubled look on his face. With a little coaxing, he chokes out that his grandmother expects them to be at her table that same afternoon… and you don’t want to get on grandma’s “naughty list”.

Does the wonder of Christmas, turn into “I wonder who will be offended this Christmas”?

Most young couples face the challenge of family expectations early in their marriage. The bible says, Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. (Gen 2: 24) When a couple gets married, the relationship changes between themselves and their parents. But change doesn’t always come easily. All their lives children have been told to obey their parents. Now as married adults, a new authority structure is established. Young married couples sometimes have difficulty with this. But guess who else has difficulty? It seems that well-meaning parents and grandparents didn’t get the memo. They sometimes put tremendous pressure on their adult children to follow the “family script”.

Wise in-laws will invite their newlyweds to family events, and will be very understanding if they are unable to attend. Ask them when it works for them to get together, and then enjoy the holiday. Some families alternate holidays; some split Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Wise newlyweds will decide together what is important to them. There may be some new traditions they want to establish for their new family. They should do their best to communicate their plans graciously to the people who love them. That will take the wondering out of the holidays so everyone can enjoy the wonder of Christmas.