Life is Like a Potpie

Posted on April 5, 2013 by John Paladini

Many people see their life like a TV dinner. You have your main course – your relationship with God. Then this compartment is your marriage, that one is your job, and another is recreation, etc… But we think life is more like a potpie.
It has all the essential ingredients, but not it’s nearly as orderly. A potpie has your meat, your veggies, some wonderful gravy, and I love the crust that keeps it all together. Yummm! And make sure you leave room for dessert. My wife, Andee writes a blog called PaladiniPotPie. It is an assortment of family traditions, God stories, and practical observations. She also throws in some recipes and family lore that have kept life in the Paladini family interesting, challenging and sometimes downright wacky! We want to share them with you. Check out http://paladinipotpie.com/. You’ll love it!

Priscilla & Aquila

Posted on April 1, 2013 by John Paladini

The sign above the entry door said “Aquila & Sons” but we don’t read anything about their children. No doubt they had a family to feed, bills to pay and customers to satisfy. They were tentmakers, a noble trade in a time when tents were often used as a residence or a place of business. The tent was the first century mobile home so Priscilla & Aquila were mobile. They settled in Italy after they married and set up shop. But soon they were run out of Italy because the emperor didn’t like Jews. (Acts 18:2) If you’ve ever been discriminated against or uprooted against your will, you know how they felt. And if you’ve ever moved to a new town, where you didn’t know anyone, you know how important the companionship of your spouse is.
I love how every time you see Priscilla & Aquila in the bible they are mentioned together. God even uses the collective pronoun they to emphasize the oneness of their relationship saying they were tentmakers. Society at that time wouldn’t even mention a woman’s name or contribution, but God does.
Priscilla & Aquila met the Apostle Paul in Corinth, and gave him a job and a place to live. Soon the church was meeting in their house. Paul helped them turn a profit during the day and they opened their home so others could profit from his teaching at night. This was no small thing because it was against the law. Priscilla & Aquila were all in. And they were all in together. They recognized that although earning a living and raising a family was essential, God had a larger plan and they had an important part in it. They heartily exercised the gift of hospitality for the work of the Lord. These were sweet times in the life of Paul, as he had found partners who, like him, would risk their lives for the sake of the gospel (Rom 16:3-4).
Priscilla and Aquila were secure in their faith. After Paul left for Jerusalem they were carrying on the ministry in Ephesus when a highfalutin guy named Apollos came on the scene. He was good looking, eloquent and highly educated. A guy like this can be intimidating but obviously he hadn’t yet heard the gospel of grace. He was a great preacher but was still only preaching the message of John the Baptist, REPENT! Priscilla & Aquila believed Proverbs 9:9 which says: Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser, teach a just man and he will increase in learning. So they discretely took Apollos aside and taught him about salvation through Jesus. And Apollos had a huge impact in spreading the gospel and the discipleship of the early church.
Priscilla & Aquila were a couple with purpose. They lived what they believed, and they lived it together. How about you?

Take Out the Trash

Posted on March 23, 2013 by John Paladini

It’s officially Spring and that means it’s time for Spring Cleaning. I’m not sure how it happens but it seems like a ton of stuff always accumulates over the winter. Today we got tired of walking around it, stepping over it, and moving it from one place to another. So we worked all day digging, dragging and hauling. Before we knew it the truck was so loaded it wouldn’t hold any more. The springs on the old Ford sagged as we headed for the dump. As we got closer and closer I noticed more people with the same problem I had. They had their trucks loaded up too. It was almost like a parade as we entered the gates of the landfill. After we paid an exorbitant fee to be rid of all that garbage, we drove away. Our empty truck felt much lighter without the load. In fact it felt so good I wanted to spin donuts in the parking lot. We drove back home with smiles on our faces.

You’ve read about them in the paper and heard about them on the news. They call them hoarders. They even made a TV show about them. They live in filth and no one wants to be around them because they never take out the trash.

Adam and Eve began their life in a perfect, pristine world. They had no secrets, no sore subjects, no past failures, no disappointments, no half-truths, and no broken promises. Genesis 2:25 says: They were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. All newlyweds begin their marriage with high hopes and high expectations.

Imagine a married couple standing in their bedroom, face to face in broad daylight, naked. (I hope you are imagining your spouse and yourself) Does that make you uncomfortable? Why?
Because we aren’t speaking to one another since I said that stupid thing.
Because he might see that I‘ve put on 15 pounds.
Because he might want to make love and I don’t want to make love because we have other issues.
Because she expects me to say something romantic and I can never think of anything to say.
Because he let our children get away with not doing their chores.
Because she spent a bunch of money and didn’t discuss it with me first.
Because he was playing the stock market and lost it all on a stupid decision.

We all crave intimacy. But we are afraid to let our guard down to attain it. We build walls of protection around ourselves but the walls isolate us and imprison us. Sin makes us ashamed.
Do you remember God said it is not good for man to be alone? It still isn’t. But sin cuts us off from relationship. It cuts us off from relationship with God, and it cuts us off from relationship with our spouse. All couples want a marriage where we can be naked and unashamed. But instead we become hoarders. We collect sin. We collect ammunition. Our spouse sins against us and we sin against our spouse and by the time the honeymoon is over…The honeymoon is over.

Sometimes when a couple comes into my office for marriage counseling it is like they back a dump truck in and dump it in the middle of my office. Then we spend the next hour sorting through the trash. But there is a better way.

The truth is, we are a sinner and we’re married to a sinner. We need to learn the fine art of forgiveness. We need to learn repentance, communication, apologizing, grace, overlooking a transgression, and conflict resolution. We need to learn to take the garbage out.Have you noticed if you take the garbage out every day it stays contained in one little receptacle? It doesn’t even stink because it hasn’t been there long enough to spoil. Plus it’s easy to carry out a neat, little white bag with a drawstring. Jesus told us to deal with today’s problems today… that every day has enough garbage of its own (Matt 6:34). Taking the trash out every day is part of the abundant life.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Eph 4:31-32

Investor or Consumer?

Posted on March 18, 2013 by John Paladini

Have you been watching the stock market lately? It has been hitting some all-time highs. I hope you’re experiencing some great rewards.
Are you an investor or a consumer? And what does that have to do with Marriage? Let’s think about it for a minute. What is the difference? A consumer is a person who is focused on today. He works all week, and then spends every penny of his paycheck on things to consume, food, drink, entertainment, etc… At the end of the day, he has nothing of value to show for his money except that he had a good time. He consumes all of his resources. An Investor takes a different approach. He is focused on the future. He also works all week, but instead of spending all of his pay on consumables, he spends a portion on things that retain value, and hopefully go up in value.

A consumer will approach his marriage with the attitude: “I want my needs met!” An investor will ask: “What can I do to make this relationship thrive?” He will invest his energy into developing a marriage that is healthy today, and it will get better and better over time.

Jesus is an investor; and He encourages us to be investors as well.

Ephesians 5:25-27 says: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious bride…

So, when is the best time to invest? Should I wait until my “marital stock” is up, or is it best to invest when it is down? People who try to time the market either never jump in, or they jump in or out at exactly the wrong time. There is a practice called dollar cost averaging which means you invest a consistent amount regularly, regardless if the market is up or down. Investing regularly is a good practice in marriage.

How can we be investors in our marriages and not merely consumers? By loving and serving our spouse today; and by pouring our life into them. Investing is so much more satisfying than consuming. Sweat equity becomes sweet equity.
If we invest ourselves in our spouse, we will reap major dividends that will last a lifetime.

The Most Important 20 Minutes

Posted on March 9, 2013 by John Paladini

We woke up early this morning to a beautiful crisp March day. Both of our To-Do lists are a mile long with all those things that have to be done on our “day off”. There never seems to be enough time during the week to tackle those bigger projects. My list would have me outside tending to the long-neglected yard and Andee’s list includes catching up on a pile of paperwork. Although today is Saturday, and we will actually be in the same zip code, our projects will have us geographically thirty yards apart. Having a Saturday to do our own thing is good, unless we neglect connecting with each other. It is so easy to let a whole work week pass, only to realize we haven’t had a meaningful conversation all week. We’ve had this happen in the past and we don’t ever want it to happen again. Saying “Hello” and “Good-bye” and talking about our schedules as we come and go is not enough to sustain a healthy marriage. We can’t allow the calendar page to flip, only to realize we haven’t talked about the things that are really important.
There is a place just to the right of our kitchen sink where the flooring really should be worn out. I don’t know why it isn’t. It is a favorite place of mine. True, it’s where the coffee pot is located but that’s not the reason. That spot is the place I stand and lean against the counter when I come home from work at night. Andee is usually busy preparing a meal. As soon as I come home, I put away my jacket and computer and go stand in my favorite spot. That is the place I learn about my wife. She tells me about the victories and blessings of her day. She also tells me about the struggles, technology problems and family news. I even get a little update on her Facebook friends. Sometimes I leave my sacred spot to take care of a “quick fix” that has been concerning her all day, if it takes less than a minute. Then I hurry back. I don’t want to miss anything. Conveniently the plates and silverware are right behind me so I can set the table while she puts the finishing touches on dinner.
Through all the years of raising a family, the first twenty minutes I’m home we’ve spent together. Now that our children are grown, and on their own, we still do this. It helps us feel connected. Gone are the days of homework and diapers, but they have been replaced with meetings, projects and other commitments.
The bible tells us to redeem the time because the days are evil. (Eph 5:16). Every day will provide enough challenges to keep us too busy for each other…if we let them. But instead, let’s build healthy habits of staying current with our spouse. Then when our projects have us working in different locations, we will still feel “together”. That is much better than being together and feeling all alone.

Yes & No

Posted on March 2, 2013 by John Paladini

“Yes” is a very good word. It is a happy word; one we love to hear from just about everyone. “Yes, you passed the class.” “Yes, you can have a pay raise.” “Will you marry me?” “YES!!”
It brings a smile to our face and causes our eyes to light up.
“No”, on the other hand, is not so nice. “No, you may not have another piece of pie.” “No, we gave the job to another applicant.” “No honey, not tonight.” “No” is a word we never want to hear. Sometimes people say “no” to good things. But what about God?
God says “Yes” to character qualities that produce good relationships, and “No” to those that are bad . His judgment is not based on our momentary pleasure, but on the eternal perspective.

God says:
Yes to Servanthood & No to Selfishness
Yes to Tenderheartedness & No to Hardheartedness
Yes to Forgiveness & No to Bitterness
Yes to Giving & No to Taking
Yes to Openness & No to Hiding
Yes to Diligence & No to Laziness
Yes to Thankfulness & No to Complaining
Yes to Contentment & No to Grasping
Yes to Holiness & No to Sinfulness
Yes to Honesty & No to Lies
Yes to Love & No to Hate

What qualities do you find attractive in your spouse? The “Yes”, or the “No” column?
What kind of spouse are you? God wants us to say “Yes” to the things He says “Yes” to. But more than saying it, He wants these qualities to be the substance of our life.

Love Handles at DEFCON 5

Posted on February 16, 2013 by John Paladini

In the interest of Homeland Security, the Joint Chiefs of Staff of the United States Armed Forces has developed the DEFCON System. It prescribes five graduated levels of alert and combat-readiness ranging from DEFCON 5, which is the least severe, to DEFCON 1, which is the most severe.

How long has it been since you and your spouse dated? In the early days we worked very hard to put our best foot forward. We groomed ourselves meticulously, and we kept our bodies trim so we would be attractive to our spouse. We engaged them in conversation to get to know them better. We listened carefully to discover the things they liked and disliked, and then we’d surprise them with something special to win their heart.

I noticed an interesting phenomenon a few months after we got married. My shirts didn’t fit as well as they had before, and my belt was getting a bit tight. People would say “It looks like marriage has been good to you.” They were referring to those bulges just above the waist that are playfully called “Love handles”. (They are a kissing cousin to the “Freshman Fifteen”.) They’re an obvious indication that we have relaxed and settled into married life. Since we are no longer pursuing our spouse, we slack off from the attentiveness we once employed to be our best for them.

I noticed this tendency in myself. When Andee would speak to me, I would hear her talking but I was not always listening to what she said. I would give her about ten percent of my attention and the rest to the TV program or the article I was reading. Then it would suddenly get very quiet. I have never experienced a nuclear explosion, but I can imagine that one minute before it detonates, everything seems very normal. I say that in jest because Andee is not the type who explodes. She is even more dangerous. If I stop listening, she’ll simply stop talking to me until I am ready to listen. But what if I am never ready? What if I develop a habit of “tuning her out” whenever she speaks? God said It is not good for man to be alone. Well, right about that time I began to feel very alone; and it was my own neglect that got me there.

James 1:19 says: So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath…

“Love handles” is a great name for a growing waistline. But in my mind, love handles are up a little higher. I know I can be dense. I also know that I can get preoccupied with my own thoughts and plans. It is never in my heart to exclude my wife. But the truth of the matter is that I can be unattentive to her and I never want to be. So I have resolved that whenever she is speaking to me, I try to stop what I’m doing and give her my full attention. I try to look her in the eyes and turn my body toward her. If I’m in the middle of a project that can’t be stopped, I tell her, “Give me 3 minutes to finish this, then I’m all yours.” But what about those times that I’m preoccupied and I don’t “get it”? Is there a remedy for that? Yes, that is where Love Handles come in. True Love Handles are those two little flaps of fabric just under either side of my jaw. Sometimes they are referred to as a collar. I know the importance of communication, and I know that I am not always as attentive as I want to be. So early on in our marriage I told my wife, If you’re ever trying to communicate something to me and I’m just not “getting it”…grab me by the collar until my face is about 2 inches from your face and say: THIS IS IMPORTANT! Then I guarantee I’ll “get it”.

If there is a war brewing in my own home, I don’t want to be that last to know. And I certainly don’t want it to escalate to DEFCON 1, nuclear war, especially if it is due to my neglect or inattentiveness.

There are two parts to communication. One speaks; the other listens. Then the other speaks and the one listens. Communication has not occurred until the message is received and understood.

The Amplified bible says it this way: Let every man be quick to be a ready listener, slow to speak and slow to take offense. James 1: 19

That’s good counsel for marriage.

Listen well…and you’ll love being married.

A Loaf, a Jug, and Thou

Posted on February 2, 2013 by John Paladini

Andee and I recently got away for our anniversary and we got one of those rooms with a spa in the room for a romantic getaway. We stopped at Safeway to pick up some beverages and some bread and cheese and snacks and things to bring to our room. We also have little picnic basket with a coffee maker we take so we can enjoy some GOOD coffee in the morning. It makes for a very relaxing time and we don’t need to leave our room unless we want to. Well, the second day we went back to the store to buy another baguette and a bottle of spring water because the city water made the coffee taste funny. So as we were walking down the aisle of the grocery store, we were laughing and enjoying our time together and Andee said, “How romantic… a loaf, a jug and thou.”
Many couples long for the Good ol’ Days when their relationship was filled with romance. They remember the early years when they shared their dreams for the future. Well here we are in the future, and the families we dreamed about require a lot of our time and energy. Every couple needs occasional islands of “together time” away from the kids and the pressures of everyday life. We all need a get-away every now and then. But even if your “overnighters” are few and far between, plan an afternoon together or even a walk around the block to catch up with each other. This is valuable time to share and evaluate and reiterate that you’re in this together.
So there we were, with our loaf and jug, heading toward the check-out stand; smiling, holding hands and feeling very much in love. But when our turn came and the clerk began to ring up our purchases she looked at us, then she looked at our two items and remarked, “How pathetic! Bread and water!”
At that point I realized that perspective makes all the difference!
Some see the cup as half empty. Others see the cup as half full. The Lord wants us to see our marriage like this: My cup runneth over! (Psalm 23:5)
Some couples settle for a marriage that is the equivalent of bread and water, (you know, enough to keep you alive but make you wish you were dead). How many couples would have a more awesome marriage if we would only adjust our perspective? And stop struggling and start snuggling!

Carly Simon wrote in a song: “These are the Good ol’ Days!” Hebrews 3:13 tells us to exhort and encourage one another not to be fooled into ignoring the Lord or to putting off until tomorrow the things we should do today. Do yourself a favor and redeem the time. Make this the year that you invest in your relationship with your spouse. In fact, don’t let today slip away without affirming your love for one another. And go ahead and plan that romantic get-away. You’ll be glad you did.

49 Lessons from Football

Posted on January 26, 2013 by John Paladini

If you know a little bit about football, you can learn a few lessons about having a winning season in your marriage. Here are a few things I’ve learned:
1. Make a plan and practice, practice, practice.
2. Pray before you set foot on the field.
3. The clock is ticking and time is limited. Use it wisely.
4. The opposition is over there. You don’t tackle your own team mate.
5. Huddle. Put your arms around each other. Use mouthwash.
6. Everybody fumbles once in a while.
7. God is your head coach. He calls the plays. Trust him.
8. Don’t be offensive.
9. Don’t get defensive.
10. Always use your mouth guard. It is mandatory.
11. Unnecessary roughness will get you a penalty.
12. Keep your end in view.
13. Kiss the arm…the shoulder…the neck… the lips.
14. Let the Holy Spirit referee.
15. Use your right guard.
16. A little dancing when you reach your goal is appropriate.
17. Sack the quarterback.
18. A little pat of affirmation on the bottom is usually welcomed.
19. Don’t be down and out.
20. If you go out of bounds, everything stops and you have to start over.
21. Celebrate your teammate’s victories.
22. When your goal seems far away, just try to move forward ten yards.
23. Each team member must do their part for the team to win.
24. Football has very little to do with applying your foot to the ball. Don’t try to figure it out.
25. Hand the ball to your teammate then clear a path for them to score.
26. Teammates get tired.
27. Don’t run the wrong way. Don’t run aimlessly. Do your best to make forward progress.
28. Play fair.
29. Make sure the whole team is working the same plan.
30. Paint JOHN 3:16 on your chest.
31. Practice to get better and better at doing your part.
32. Make Sunday the most important day of the week.
33. No head-butting.
34. Make a pass at your spouse regularly.
35. When your spouse makes a pass at you, catch it. Don’t drop it.
36. Avoid pass interference. Lock your bedroom door and turn off the phone.
37. Always be ready to call an audible. Be flexible, plans change.
38. Don’t become a blimp. Stay healthy and help your Bud stay Lite.
39. Do your part to make this a Good Year.
40. You make enough money. Don’t complain.
41. When a teammate is injured, the rest of the team needs to work a little harder.
42. Timing is everything.
43. If you help your teammate win, you win.
44. When making a plan, use a lot of X’s and O’s.
45. Be a World Class Cheerleader.
46. Call a time out when you need to.
47. If another team makes a play look easy, understand it is the result of hours of practice.
48. You’re surrounded by fans who want to see you win!
49. You already have a ring. Enjoy the game!

Those are the lessons I’ve learned. Let’s see if we can come up with a few more. If you have any that you’d like to add, click the comment bubble and share them. I’ll post them.

Nurture and Cherish

Posted on January 25, 2013 by John Paladini

I’ve never seen more nurturing and cherishing than at a car show. No speck of dust is safe. No smudge of grease will escape the watchful eye of the automobile enthusiast. He is meticulous to take care of his “baby.” After all, “they don’t make ‘em like this anymore”. She’s all original, he says proudly, as others admire her with a hint of envy. No expense has been spared, and countless hours have been spent to make her the coveted award winner. She’s the Prize of the show.

Imagine if one car had to last us a life time. How would we care for it? We certainly wouldn’t drive it recklessly. No, we’d nurture and cherish it. We’d wash it every week and wax it once a month. We’d change the oil every 3,000 miles and give it a tune up regularly to keep it in good repair. We’d be easy on the throttle and light on the brakes. When parking in a public lot, we’d take up two spaces so others wouldn’t ding her doors. At home we’d garage her to protect her from the ultraviolet rays of the sun. We’d cruise Main Street to impress people, and show her off in parades. After fifty years the sleek beauty would still purr like a kitten and look like the day she drove off the showroom floor.

What if we cared for our spouse as if they had to last a lifetime? Because…they do.

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies… For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. Ephesians 5:28 & 29

Marriage Feast

You're going to LOVE being married!