Uncommon Courtesy

Posted on June 23, 2014 by John Paladini

Gratitude
I recently came to the startling realization that my sock drawer does not fill itself. I know that’s shocking, but it’s true. And not only that; just because there are checks in the check book, doesn’t mean there’s money in there. No, I’m serious. Somebody must be putting stuff in there when I’m not looking. Maybe at night, when I’m sleeping, the refrigerator fills itself. Hazel does the laundry and the leprechauns sweep the walkway and weed the garden before dawn.
Do all these things magically happen around your house too? I hope so.

Seriously, I trust that you thank your spouse for doing them, or that you race to be the one to do them first. In any case, it’s a lot of work just to carry on a normal life. Have you noticed that work is so much more fulfilling and easy to do when we are appreciated for doing it? A simple but important way we can serve our spouse is to express our appreciation to them for doing what they do. That’s right, actually saying it. Guaranteed to put a smile on their face and a song in their heart.
Encouragement
Have you ever had one of those days when it is just hard to get up and do it all again? We can be our spouse’s best cheerleader. We don’t have to break out the pompoms, but a little encouragement goes a long way. When you hear geese flying south for the winter, all that honking you hear is the flock encouraging their leader. The same with sled dogs; pulling a sled in the Iditarod is hard work but all that barking is the team telling the lead dog, “We’re with you!”
Uncommon Courtesy
“Please pass the salt.” “Thank you for washing the car.” “This meal is delicious.” These are phrases that I hope are used regularly in your home. Common courtesy has become rather uncommon in our culture today. Miss Manners used to be a popular syndicated column. Good manners make good relationships. I kind of miss manners, don’t you? I believe we need to reintroduce them to our families, in our own homes, beginning with our spouse. Our children will emulate what they see mom and dad practicing. Then with God’s help we will infect the neighbors, and gratitude could become a worldwide epidemic. “Please” and “Thank you”…they could change your world.
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Col 2:6-7

Eat, Drink and Be Married

Posted on June 6, 2014 by John Paladini

“Let’s meet for coffee.” We say this all the time, but is it really about the coffee? When you go to lunch with your best friend, which is more important, the food or the conversation? It doesn’t really matter if it’s McNamara’s or McDonalds, coffee or cabernet; something important happens in our relationships when we’re eating and drinking.
What could be more basic to everyday life than enjoying a meal together? Yet we keep ourselves so busy that sit-down dinners are no longer a family value but instead have become nostalgic. Many people today, spend thousands of dollars upgrading to gourmet kitchens, only to make the microwave the most used appliance. The dining room table has been relegated to folding laundry and Thanksgiving dinner.
Growing up, I always envied my friends who got to eat dinner in their living room on TV trays. Now I’m reconsidering. I grew up in a big Italian family. When dinnertime came, the whole family gathered for the meal and the TV was always turned off. Thanks Mom and Dad, for making sit-down dinners a family value. Our nuclear family has grown and changed, but to this day, here’s how family gatherings on holidays work: We start with a meal, clean up after the meal together, take a walk together. Throw in some Italian songs and dancing in the kitchen while we prepare the next meal together. Repeat.
Jesus knows we open up to one another in a unique way when we break bread together.

He said “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” (Rev 3:20) In the final hours before His crucifixion, Jesus had a meal with his friends, we call the last supper. It is interesting that after his resurrection, almost every time we see Jesus, he is eating with his friends.
When Andee and I got married, we decided in order to stay connected; we’d have breakfast and dinner together. At 6:00AM we ask each other, “How can I pray for you today?” And at 6:00PM we catch up with one another on how the other’s day went. We’d rarely see each other in between those times, but we were still “together”. As we raised our children, mealtimes were always the important touch-points when our family would connect. We’d discuss everything from schoolwork to politics, to interpersonal relationships. We often read a devotional book after dinner and discussed whatever lesson we could draw out of a chapter. Whenever we had company, they’d join in the conversation. Andee and I have maintained this practice for 30 years through all the different stages of life, and it is still working.
Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. Psalm 128:1-4

Seven Things to Look for When Choosing a Husband

Posted on April 25, 2014 by John Paladini

Husband means to care for. It seems like this is the best place to begin whether you are a man or a woman. I may be overstating the obvious, but here goes: A woman should choose a husband who will care for her. There, I said it. I know I’m not being politically correct but this one truth can save years of heartache. Another definition of a husband is a prudent or frugal manager. I must say, that over the years I have met a few who have not managed well and their marriages were less than bliss. But I’ve also met some extraordinary couples who “get it” and have exemplary marriages.
We’ll discuss Choosing a Wife in a future blog, but for now let’s see what women can learn from scripture about choosing a husband, and what men can learn about being a husband.
The apostle Paul defines the qualifications for “overseers” of the church (the bride of Christ) in 1Timothy 3:1-6. Although every husband does not aspire to be an “Elder” or “Deacon” in his local church, he must accept the role as “head” of his wife. Since God uses this analogy, it is reasonable for women to consider these attributes when choosing a husband. Every husband may not match the full biblical standard for deacon or elder, but if concessions are made, it is important that they are at least informed concessions.
Here is my paraphrase of this passage with the husband and his bride in mind:
1. If a man desires to be a Husband, he desires a good ministry. A husband must be above reproach, not living in conscious disregard for God’s Word. He must be living a standard higher than the world or society sets. When he sins, he owns his failure and repents quickly.
2. He must be a “one-woman-man”. He does not “look around” or flirt with other women. He does not have a track record of jumping from relationship to relationship. He has conducted himself honorably in past relationships and is conducting himself honorably in his relationship with you.
3. He must be self-restrained (not depending on you to be his conscience), moderate in opinions and indulgences (not an extremist). He must get along with others. He must not be addicted to alcohol or drugs, nor use them illegally or inappropriately. He knows his limits and his weaknesses regarding their use. He keeps his temper under control. He deals with anger biblically. He is quick to seek the Lord, instead of reacting violently. He is gentle, considerate and sensitive to you and others. He does not deal with you harshly in word or action. He does not force you or intimidate you into doing things against your conscience or convictions. He is not greedy for money. He keeps a healthy perspective on money. He works hard to provide, but does not spend all his energy trying to become rich. He does not justify illegal or dishonest gain even if it is only a cashier giving him too much change at the grocery store. He treats you like a lady. He is considerate of you “as the weaker vessel”. He treats you like a fine crystal goblet, not a 99 cent tumbler. He does not make every disagreement into an argument. He is able to disagree, and still maintain his Christian character. He does not need to “win” every argument. He does not justify himself when he fails but is able to admit when he is wrong, with grace. He is content. He is not consumed with the ungodly desire for more. He is not competing with his friends and neighbors to have the most or the best. He is not ruled by the lust of the eyes. He lives within his means. He does not live on credit. He is not deeply in debt or a slave to the lenders.
4&5. He rules his own house well. There is peace in his home. He is a godly and wise manager. He rules over his own passions. He influences others in his household to rule over their own passions. If he has children, he takes responsibility for their wellbeing. He lovingly leads and directs them. He trains them in the ways of the Lord. He lives as an example for them to follow. He does not provoke them to wrath. He does not lord it over them, but practices servant leadership. He is not so preoccupied with his job, his hobbies, or his ministry that his children are neglected.
6. He is not a new convert. There is solid evidence that Jesus is Lord of his life. You would use many of these words to truthfully describe him: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. He loves Jesus more than anyone, and is committed to living for Jesus no matter what. He is not consumed with pride. He does not see himself above others. Humility is a distinguishing characteristic of his life. He does not act condescendingly toward other individuals, or groups of people.
7. He has a good testimony among those who know him. His boss and co-workers concur that his Christian character is genuine. He does not live a double life. He does not act differently when he is in another circle of friends. His family and relatives attest that the man you know him to be is the same man they know him to be.
When a wife chooses a husband, she is agreeing to come under his leadership for a lifetime. Since there is no way to know the future, the best way to anticipate the kind of husband a man will be is to evaluate what kind of man he is today. This should encourage men to be a “stand up” Christian man, and it should encourage women to never settle for anything less.

Any More Money, Honey?

Posted on April 5, 2014 by John Paladini

It is a well-documented statistic that the biggest cause of divorce in North America today is money fights and money problems. No surprise that our consumer mentality as Americans spills over into our marriages. The trend toward two-earner households over the past several decades has only served to divide what ought to be united. Couples use terms like “my money” and “your money” and develop self-centered plans to spend it. Many couples engage in protracted power struggles over their resources that result in debt, hurt feelings and empty bank accounts. Sometime one or both spouses engage in “retail therapy” as they try to “medicate” their unhappiness or to satisfy a longing in their heart that “Stuff” will never fill. Jesus spoke of the desire for more like this: “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” Luke 12: 15 In other words, more stuff isn’t the answer. What we crave is unity: oneness with our God and oneness with our spouse.
Successful married couples view their income as “our money” as they share their goals and dreams and the future together.
So let’s start with the basics: Where does money come from? They say there are two things everyone should teach their children. Where babies come from and where money comes from. The answer is: Money comes from work. “Work is a sure-fire money-making scheme,” according to money guru Dave Ramsey. Early on in marriage, couples need to decide who is going to go out to work. It is OK to decide that both husband and wife will work, especially while getting started and establishing a home. Throughout your marriage this decision can be re-evaluated as children are born, go off to school, and as they leave the nest. During different seasons of life, you may decide that one spouse should stay home to devote their time and energy to raising your children. That will be their work for the next X number of years. The most important thing is that the couple makes these decisions together
Then next thing we want to understand is that there are three things we should do with our money. A healthy balanced life includes all three: Saving, Spending and Giving. When couples agree upon how their money will be saved, spent and given, they agree upon their core values. They say you can look at a person’s check book and learn what is important to them. Jesus said: where your treasure is, there your heart will be also Luke 12:34.
The Dreaded B Word
If you’re feeling hopeless, like you can’t get a handle on your money it is probably because you’re disorganized. When we want to solve complex situations it is very helpful to write them down instead of just letting them swirl around in our mind. Plus, since our spouse isn’t a mind reader, a BUDGET will help us put all the facts on the table and agree on a plan we can work on together. If you want help establishing a budget, and a sound financial plan for your life and marriage, I highly recommend you sign up to take Financial Peace University together. Thousands of couples have attended with the intent to fix their finances, only to experience the added bonus of gaining valuable communication skills, which revolutionized every other aspect of their marriage. I’d say that’s worth the price of admission. Wouldn’t you?

Whose Body is it Anyway?

Posted on February 17, 2014 by John Paladini

Whose body is it, anyway? Yours of course….until you pledge it to somebody else. Then everything changes.
The Old English vows say that on our wedding day we “enter into a new estate”. That’s why I always spend extra time with couples in pre-marriage counseling to make sure they fully understand what they are signing up for. Think about it. When we are choosing our marriage partner, we are evaluating how trustworthy they will be to fulfill their role as our – one and only – husband or wife. One very important role in marriage is that of lover. When we stand at the altar and pledge our self to our spouse, we are entrusting one person in the whole world to fulfill that role. For those who are married, consider this: You are the only person in the whole world who is authorized to fulfill your spouse’s sexual needs. And not only that; but you are commanded to do so. I know that sounds a little silly. About half of us are thinking: “God commanded us to have sex, so I’m suddenly really into obeying God.” The other half of us…not so much.
Typical pre-marriage couples are eager to get married, and blissfully optimistic. They envision marriage as having sex every day, multiple times, for as long as they both shall live. But life and our sin nature has a way of throwing a monkey wrench into those plans (Read Take Out the Trash).
So let’s look at what the bible says about sex in marriage:
I Corinthians 7: 3-5 says: Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Wow! There’s a lot here, but let’s look at the main points. When we pledged our self to our spouse, we not only pledged our life, but our body as well. This is a sacred trust that husbands and wives must guard with the utmost care. But practically, it also means the when our spouse is “in the mood” for sexual relations, we should respond willingly and reciprocate. If we are unavailable for sexual intercourse due to illness or some other reason, we should communicate with our spouse, affirm our love for them, and make a date in the near future to take them up on the offer.
It is a rare exception when the bible says it is OK to “deprive” our spouse of sexual relations. But God gives very specific instructions because He wants it to be rare, and He wants it to resolve quickly. God knows that whenever sin interrupts our sexual relationship, the enemy tries to exploit it, and tempt us towards the greater sin of infidelity. That’s why God says only “with consent” and only “for a [specific agreed upon] time” and with action steps: that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer.

So let me ask you a question: How long can you fast? That’s about how long is healthy to abstain from sexual relations with your spouse. God’s ideal is speedy resolution of any problem that comes between husband and wife, and full and complete restoration of the relationship.
Before anyone panics, this is not carte blanche for selfish spouses to abuse. There are a few exceptions, but they are few and they are exceptions. We need to let God be the referee in those cases. Because our spouse is not the only one we have pledged our life to. When we pledge our life to Christ, we surrender lordship of our life to Him. The bible says: your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own. 1 Cor 6:19
All of life is better when we give God the final word.
To maintain a satisfying sexual relationship, husbands and wives will pay particular attention and make it their goal to “render affection” that is meaningful and fulfilling to their spouse. Your spouse’s idea of affection will often be different than yours. If both husband and wife make their first priority to serve each other, rather than serving themselves, they will do well. Make it your goal to always be an eager participant in sexual relations with your spouse. Learn to communicate with each other about your sexual relationship in order to keep it healthy. Don’t expect your spouse to automatically be an expert. Be patient with one another and help each other become a great lover (read The Chapter on Sex). As we learn and grow together, we will discover the joys and blessings of true oneness with our spouse.

What Football Taught Me About Marriage

Posted on January 18, 2014 by John Paladini

If you know a little bit about football, you can learn a few lessons about having a winning season in your marriage. Here are 49 things I’ve learned:
1. Make a plan and practice, practice, practice.
2. Pray before you set foot on the field.
3. The clock is ticking and time is limited. Use it wisely.
4. The opposition is over there. You don’t tackle your own team mate.
5. Huddle. Put your arms around each other. Use mouthwash.
6. Everybody fumbles once in a while.
7. God is your head coach. He calls the plays. Trust him.
8. Don’t be offensive.
9. Don’t get defensive.
10. Always use your mouth guard. It is mandatory.
11. Unnecessary roughness will get you a penalty.
12. Keep your end in view.
13. Kiss the arm…the shoulder…the neck… the lips.
14. Let the Holy Spirit referee.
15. Use your right guard.
16. A little dancing when you reach your goal is appropriate.
17. Sack the quarterback.
18. A little pat of affirmation on the bottom is usually welcomed.
19. Don’t be down and out.
20. If you go out of bounds, everything stops and you have to start over.
21. Celebrate your teammate’s victories.
22. When your goal seems far away, just try to move forward ten yards.
23. Each team member must do their part for the team to win.
24. Football has very little to do with applying your foot to the ball. Don’t try to figure it out.
25. Hand the ball to your teammate then clear a path for them to score.
26. Teammates get tired.
27. Don’t run the wrong way. Don’t run aimlessly. Do your best to make forward progress.
28. Play fair.
29. Make sure the whole team is working the same plan.
30. Paint JOHN 3:16 on your chest.
31. Practice to get better and better at doing your part.
32. Make Sunday the most important day of the week.
33. No head-butting.
34. Make a pass at your spouse regularly.
35. When your spouse makes a pass at you, catch it. Don’t drop it.
36. Avoid pass interference. Lock your bedroom door and turn off the phone.
37. Always be ready to call an audible. Be flexible, plans change.
38. Don’t become a blimp. Stay healthy and help your Bud stay Lite.
39. Do your part to make this a Good Year.
40. You make enough money. Don’t complain.
41. When a teammate is injured, the rest of the team needs to work a little harder.
42. Timing is everything.
43. If you help your teammate win, you win.
44. When making a plan, use a lot of X’s and O’s.
45. Be a World Class Cheerleader.
46. Call a time out when you need to.
47. If another team makes a play look easy, understand it is the result of hours of practice.
48. You’re surrounded by fans who want to see you win!
49. You already have a ring. Enjoy the game!

Those are the lessons I’ve learned. Let’s see if we can come up with a few more. If you have any that you’d like to add, click the comment bubble and share them. I’ll post them. Patriot Fans

Selfie

Posted on January 11, 2014 by John Paladini

This has certainly been the year of the selfie. It’s a picture of my favorite person…ME! You know, the photos we take of ourselves and post on Facebook as if the rest of the world is as obsessed with me as I am? The self-portraits have become so prevalent that “selfie” will soon be inducted into Webster’s Dictionary and into the English language. It has to be the word of the year.
And who ever heard of a camera that spins around and takes a picture of the photographer? No one, until Apple built it into its iPhone, and all the other phone manufacturers are scrambling to do the same.
We live in a culture obsessed with self. The market is flooded with self-improvement books, there is a big push for self-esteem and self-love through positive self-talk, then there’s Self Magazine which promotes self-absorption, and self-actualization through self-gratification. Then we go on a campaign of self-defense and self-justification through our self-published memoirs. Are you beginning to detect a pattern here?
People in general are selfish and self-centered. But our natural narcissism is an enemy of our marriage. In fact, it’s akin to original sin. We can’t lose any time redirecting our affections if we want to have a healthy marriage. James warns: For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. (James 3:16) These are not words we want associated with our marriage.
The apostle Paul has a better way: Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. (Phil 2:3)
I know. The first thing we think is: “Hey, what about me? (I told you we are self-absorbed.) The man in my mirror doesn’t want to take second place to anyone. He likes to look out for Numero Uno! Paul follows it up with the next verse: Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. (Phil 2:4)
When we put the most important “other”- our spouse – first, it’s the very best investment we can make to assure that our own life will be awesome. Paul said it another way in Ephesians 5:28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. If you want to do yourself a favor, love your spouse well.
This doesn’t mean that I never get my needs met. What it means is that I don’t get my needs met by taking or insisting. Instead my needs are met, as a response, from a well-loved and well-satisfied wife.
When we do marriage right we don’t have to pursue what we need, and extract it from our relationship. But rather, when we put our energy into serving and loving our spouse, we will reap the dividends as they respond. This way, both our needs are met, willingly and lovingly by each other. And we will both feel very well loved. I like this plan so much better.

Christmas Companion

Posted on December 23, 2013 by John Paladini

We hardly saw each other all day long, but we were together. It was the Saturday before Christmas, and our house was about to become the converging point for sixteen family members – most of them from out of town. Just the previous day we had hit all the stores for last minute items. We successfully filled a shopping cart with enough food to feed an army and test the shocks on our Toyota. Today’s lists were different. Today I had yards to clean, windows to wash, tile to scrub and furniture to haul to the garage. Andee’s list consisted of food to cook, cards to write, bedding to prepare, and a refrigerator to clean and organize. Today was not one of those days a couple walks hand in hand on a beach. But our hands were busy. Today we went our separate ways to accomplish our shared goal. Some days we work together on the same project in the same location. In fact sometimes quarters are so close we call it “small-room dancing”. But other days require us to be in separate locations. This was one of those days.

The bible says: Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. Ecc. 4:9
There is nothing greater than working together with our spouse to accomplish a goal. Conversely there is nothing more disheartening than feeling like you are the only one doing all the work. There is no job too daunting, and no task too large, when we know our spouse cares as much as we do; and is moving heaven and earth to help accomplish it.
As we checked things off our list, we’d offer quick updates as we headed for our next project. “I’m done with the tile and I’m off to work on the yard.”

Today our house is ready for company to arrive. But even more, we are ready to host them, because we’ve been “together” throughout the process.

Pruning Your Family Tree

Posted on December 16, 2013 by John Paladini

We all had a very different experience growing up. Some of us grew up in families like Leave it to Beaver or Ozzie and Harriet. We came from “functional” homes with a mom and a dad and 2.4 kids. Others….not so much. Because the divorce rate has skyrocketed since the 1960’s, many of today’s adults come from “broken” homes or “blended” families.
There is no denying that we are all a product of our upbringing. There are definitely things that we inherit from our parents like red hair or male pattern baldness. But there are other things we pick up from them that are not inherited, but are learned traits.
Before I go any farther, most people want to blame their parents; I want to commend mine. I still have my “original” mom and dad who are going on 59 years of marriage. They raised 5 kids, lived modestly in a middle class neighborhood, drove Chevys, took us to church on Sundays, and family dinner was served at 6:00 pm every night. I don’t take my upbringing for granted. Quite the contrary, I consider it a stewardship. My parents weren’t perfect people. Nobody is. But they provided a stable home where we knew we were loved and supported. That is something all of us can, and should, do.
The apostle Paul told Timothy: Be an example to the believer, in word, in conduct, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 1 Tim 4:12
We’ve all heard the saying: Do as I say, not as I do. Some of us have even said it to our children because we know that we are not living up to our ideal. I discovered in raising my children, that they emulate what I do more than what I say. When my grandson Nathan was about 6 months old, his dad confided in me that there were a couple of words that had crept into his vocabulary that he would no longer be using. Suddenly we realize our children are little sponges, and even more startling, we discover that they are like little parrots. The truth is, more is caught than taught. Our children are learning how to be a husband and how to be a wife as they watch mom and dad interact with each other. Our little girls will look for a husband just like their daddy and our sons will look for wives like mom. So as our daughters and sons grow up it is important that we give them a living example of the kind of husband or wife they should look for. If we are a self-absorbed spouse, our children are likely to marry spouses just like us.
You may be thinking “But I didn’t have a good example growing up. I came from a dysfunctional family”. If your experience growing up was less than ideal, all is not lost. You can prune your family tree. The first thing we need to understand is that although we are products of our past, our past does not dictate our future. If you came from a family with a long line of failed marriages, you can stop the cycle.

Grafting

Begin to prune away any destructive habits, and replace them by grafting in healthy interaction with your spouse.

The bible says it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Phil 2:13. That means God will not only give us the power to change but He’ll give us the will to do it.

Luis Brendes said “Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done.” I’m sure the Wright brothers encountered a fair number of skeptics until their airplane actually flew. But it did fly.
“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:1-2
We all know couples with functional marriages, so we know it can be done. What we don’t usually see is that it takes some careful pruning and grafting to accomplish. Better still, let’s not just settle for functional; let’s go for sensational! Regardless of our past, with God’s help, our marriage can produce a harvest of health and joy that will last for generations.

The Black Friday Blues

Posted on November 23, 2013 by John Paladini

There’s a reason it’s called Black Friday. Millions of people around the world are about to jump into the abyss. We like to make fun of lemmings, but every year we, who are supposed to have more gray matter and opposable digits, do the equivalent by taking the plunge off the financial cliff. The only difference is that lemmings jump into the deep blue sea. We jump into the RED, and spend the entire next year with those “easy monthly payments”.
So before we get too caught up in the holiday spirit, let’s consider a few words and phrases that are key to a healthy marriage: Communication, Unity, Like-mindedness, Consensus, Sharing, Helping, Togetherness, Agreement.
Now let’s consider who is out there strategizing for a GREEN Christmas: MasterCard wants to be your master. Discover card doesn’t want us to discover how much we spent until the bill comes in January. American Excess…..you get the picture. PayPal is only your pal when you pay. Target is targeting you! Best Buy wants what is best for them. Amazon wants to sell you down the river. And the Apple Store…well, re-read Genesis chapter 3.
The bible warns us how the world lures us in:
the lust of the flesh: This will feel good, or taste good…
the lust of the eyes: I didn’t want it until I saw it. Now I can’t stop thinking about it…
and the pride of life: I’ll be the first to have the newest version. I’ll be the envy of all my friends. 1 John 2:16.
All the displays and mood lighting are not there for your convenience.
As husbands and wives we need each other more than ever during the holiday season, to remind each other what Christmas is really about, so we won’t get caught up in the local mall’s definition.
So at the risk of sounding too much like the Grinch, I’m going to recommend we take a piece of advice from Santa, the jolly old elf himself. Make a list and check it twice. For those who don’t speak the language, that’s North Polish for “Make a Christmas Budget”. And do this together before you go out shopping. Some people write their list on an envelope with three columns: Name, Amount, What to buy. If you put the cash inside the envelope, at least you’ll know when you are out of money.
A word about surprises
The commercial said, “There is no substitute for that look on her face when she opens the box and sees it sparkle for the very first time.” What it doesn’t say is, “That is the look of sheer terror wondering “How are we going to pay for this?” We all love surprises when there are no strings attached. But husbands and wives should decide together on their Christmas spending, especially if you are going to purchase any big ticket items.
You may consider doing what we do. For Christmas we give each other a token gift costing no more than $20.00. Then after Christmas, if there is something our spouse really wants, we can buy it at the After-Christmas-Sale for about a third of the price.
The Ancient Word
There is a word that has fallen out of use. It is not politically correct and consequently is no longer taught in schools. Parents have forgotten it and children have not heard it commonly used. The word is NO. It is a word that, at one time, had a very important purpose. It is a word we are supposed to tell our flesh when it wants something that is not in our best interest. We are supposed to use it when our eyes deceive us or we are about to make an unwise choice for the sake of pride. It keeps us from heading back to the punch bowl or from giving too much attention to someone else’s wife. No is a word that needs to find its way back into our vocabulary as a possible option. It could keep us out of big trouble this Christmas.
No Regrets
December 26th can be a day filled with peace or a day full of regret . Many couples have experienced both, but it’s unanimous, we all prefer peace. So before we get carried away in the herd of lemmings, let’s decide with our spouse that this will be the Christmas that Communication, Unity, Like-mindedness, Consensus, Sharing, Helping, Togetherness, and Agreement will determine the color of our Christmas.