I am a blame-shifter…but it’s not my fault. Actually, I’ve been this way for a long time. But now that I think of it, I’ve really perfected it to an art form, since I got married. Hey, I’m not perfect; but neither are you.
I attribute my problem to my family of origin issues. It must be some kind of genetic mutation because I’m just like my great, great, great grandfather Adam. I blame God and I blame my wife: It’s the woman you gave me! Gen 3:12
Sin is ugly. It deceives us into thinking we’re doing alright and lookin’ good. Like the people in the church of Laodicea, we say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked.
We think: no one will notice. But we’re as inconspicuous as a pirate in Nordstrom’s. “ARRRR, Where be the turtleneck sweaters?” Not only are we oblivious to our own sin, but we have the audacity to point out the failures of our spouse. We are ready to make them walk the plank over the smallest failings in their life. But before we condemn them to Davey Jones’ locker, Jesus has much better solution.
Jesus uses an outlandish word picture to set us back on course. He tells us: First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Matt 7:5)
According to Jesus, I should be much more concerned with the sin in my life than the sins of others. When it comes to sin, if I am going to be any kind of help to my wife, I must first gain the valuable experience of dealing with my own sin. Our spouse needs help, but it must be compassionate help. The only healthy approach to helping others deal with their sin is to do so with humility and grace. Humility and grace act as a “corrective lens” so we can discern the true need, and help them see the solution.
A quality marriage includes helping one another steer clear of the shoals that cause the shipwreck of so many marriages. And to encourage one another to follow the instruction of God’s Word and set a course for smooth sailing. The best part is, you will discover the treasure God has given you in your mate.